Audi S8

I've done bad things. I have committed crimes beyond incessant speeding. I have stolen. I have lied. I have cheated. I may have forgotten to put any of it on my résumé. But I haven't transgressed enough to earn a new S8. This is a villainous luxury car, one so wicked that merely hopping behind the wheel should make you a person of interest to Interpol.

Yes, for the 2013 model year, Audi has recast the S8 as a sedan mastermind, dumping the old model's 450-hp V-10 like a disloyal henchman. The replacement 4.0-liter V-8 is the twin-turbocharged and features cylinder deactivation that allows it to run as a V-4, just like in the A8. But here it's making 520 horses and 481 pound-feet of torque. That's 100 more horsepower and an additional 75 pound-feet compared with the A8, thanks to more boost (15.9 psi versus 12.3), revised valve timing, and more efficient intake plumbing.

This violent V-8 makes Audi's plot to take over the world likely to happen more swiftly. It goes from zero to 60 mph in 3.6 seconds, needs just 8.5 seconds to reach 100, and tricks through the quarter-mile in 11.9 seconds at 118 mph. Never mind that the S8 is a 4620-pound car that comfortably seats five. It drives a class or two smaller, as if it's been hit with a shrink ray. At times you would swear it's an A4, except for the better steering feel and an exhaust note as heavy as a San Quentin life sentence.

Despite the S8's hyper performance, half the appeal is in its ability to induce amnesia in witnesses. The S8 never has been flashy, and this new model retains the A8's subtlety, drawn to resemble nothing more shapely than a cudgel. Even its interior doesn't offer much to distinguish the S8 from the regular A8, save for standard carbon-fiber and aluminum trim. The latter serves as a reminder of the aluminum-intensive space frame that Audi pioneered in 1994 and that the A8 range, with redesigns, continues to use today.

All that metal (even the speaker grilles on the $6300 Bang & Olufsen audio system are aluminum) led to this stray thought under heavy braking: "If I ball this thing up, they can hose me out and recycle the rest into Pepsi cans." Fortunately, the brakes bite like four vampires, stopping the car from 70 mph in just 156 feet. The S8 shares its anchor hardware from the long-wheelbase A8 W12, with 15.7-inch discs in the front and 14.0-inchers in the rear. A big brake pedal (trimmed in aluminum, of course) imparts an even, progressive feel, with the first quarter of its travel sufficient for stopping without alarming passengers. The rest of its arc forces the six-piston front calipers closed with the sort of seatbelt-straining force that makes your neck hurt.

The S8's forward weight bias and all-wheel drive yield ample understeer at the cornering limit. With its standard 21-inch wheels set in Continental ContiSportContact 5P rubber, we measured 0.90 g on the skidpad. On the freeway, nothing upsets the big car, though rolling hills can cause it to feel a bit more like its true size. The impressive handling comes via an air-suspension system with four settings. Further adjustability in the steering, throttle and transmission ensure Audi Drive Select has option overkill.

Dial them all to "comfort," and the car just drives like an A8, with light steering effort and a lazy throttle. "Automatic" allows for a bit of initial softness before firming things up if you start turning and burning. The "individual" mode allows you to pick different settings for every option, though that's unnecessary. Sticking with "dynamic" across the board works so well that you can set it and forget it. Similarly, the eight-speed ZF automatic can be shifted with steering-wheel-mounted paddles, but they become superfluous once you drop the shift lever into sport and the transmission perks up.

But why pay the extra money for the S8 if you can, through the car's many selectable modes, turn it back into the A8? Perhaps it's not because there's demand for such distractions, but because Audi's engineers are simply fascinated with complexity. Once upon a time, BMW's M cars came with steel springs and no push buttons, and we loved them for it. You paid one big price for the superlative tune. End of discussion.

The S8's $110,895 base sticker is $29,100 more than a V-8 powered A8. Purchase decisions in this class rarely hinge on price, but the S8 starts at tens of thousands less than a BMW Alpina B7 or aMercedes-Benz S63 AMG, cars it outguns both in raw performance and behind-the-wheel enjoyment. Whether driving it like it's the chase car in Ronin or cutting a low profile, the S8 has a mechanical arsenal that allows it to run with almost anything on the road. There's no four-door more nefarious.